The Trouble with Making Friends

I recently met a girl in her mid-twenties who just moved to NYC. She had been living abroad for a number of years, but returned to the states to pursue her career. When I met her, she expressed how she was having trouble transitioning to NYC for numerous reasons, the main one being she felt like she did not have any friends.

After hearing this, it made me start to think about what life would be like moving to New York and not knowing anyone. And then I remembered that I did move to New York not really knowing anyone.

In a city that is so big and filled with so many people, it is actually really easy to feel all alone. We can get into a routine of waking up, going to work, coming home, watching TV, going to bed, and getting up the next day to do it all over again. It is easy to get caught up in the routine of doing life but not really living it.

So how do you make friends?

Gosh it can be awkward to make friends! I remember those moments of asking someone who you think seems pretty cool if they want to get lunch or a drink sometime; unsure if they think you are as cool as you think they are. It must be what I guy feels like when asking out a girl...sort of right?  

When I first moved to New York, I had a couple of college friends that I reconnected with and I was lucky to be attending grad school...both provided outlets for social outings and support. I eventually found my "Fran" group two years into my time in NYC. These are my forever friends who I often feature in blog posts (Family Dinner). I don't for a day discount the rarity in our relationship. To be perfectly transparent, I believe that our close bond is due to the fact that our relationships are center on Jesus. It's the best kind of friendship...one that encourages, challenges, laughs, cries, and calls you on your crap when you are being ridiculous. It is forgiving, grace-filled, and not easily offended.

These kinds of relationships involve risk. Risk in putting yourself out there and being vulnerable...showing the real you. That is TOUGH to do. I think it gets so tough for some people, that they end up leaving New York defeated and bitter. In the end, we get in the way of ourselves due to insecurity and fear. I hope you won't let your own stuff get in the way of deep meaningful relationships.

This blog is about encouraging and challenging people to live the fullest life possible. True friendships are a major component in living a joyful life. 

I found my friends in church. I know not everyone reading this is a Christian, so I'm not going to say the only way to make friends is at church.  But, I am going to suggest that you figure out what hobby or interest you have that you love, and dive in. Join a gym or running group, take some cooking classes, sign up for pottery or knitting lessons, attend a trivia night, meet up with other photographers and take pictures, watch football at a bar and actually talk to the people around you. There are endless ways to connect with people you just have to know yourself enough to do so. When you figure your "thing" out, ALWAYS BE YOU! Everything will crash and burn if you try to create a persona or put on an act of who you think people want you to be.

Speaking of friends...I grabbed lunch with some gorgeous ladies and couldn't help but document it. They care for each other well and I love catching up with them and hearing about their life.

I don't claim to be an expert at making friends, I can only speak from my own experience. I'd love to hear from you about making friends....funny stories, tough times, happy endings? Hope you'll share! 

xoxo

d.eileen